7 Steps To Staying Positive In A Negative World

by Bonnie Boots

Marketing on the internet presents huge challenges. It involves mastering a vast arena of ever-changing technology, picking your way through mountains of conflicting information and keeping a steady course in an atmosphere that's designed to be distracting.

But the greatest challenge is keeping a positive state of mind in a negative world.

As I work with clients, I see plainly each day the corrosive power of negative people.

Someone will be sailing along, putting the finishing touches on their book and getting ready to move on to their sales page when suddenly everything comes to a halt. I don't hear from them for a few weeks. And then, inevitably, the call---

"I was working on my book when I had dinner with some friends. They laughed at me-told me no one buys books on the internet and I'm wasting my money trying. I got so discouraged, I just couldn't seem to write another word. Can you give me a kick start?"

Negative people invalidate your ideas and drain your confidence and energy-if you allow them. Sadly, those negative people are often the folks we spend the most time with-our family and friends, and the people we work with.

That means we can't avoid negative people. And it's unlikely we can change them. People can change themselves, if they're motivated, but they're remarkably resistant to outside efforts to make them change.

And why should they? In their minds, they're not the ones with a problem. They are in step with a culture that is, at this time, focused on the negative. New stories, television programs, movies and video games are filled with images of fear and violence and predictions of disaster. So the negative person looks around, sees himself or herself in agreement with the world and believes their attitude is the only logical one to have.

You can't avoid negative people and you can't change them, but you CAN protect yourself with these 7 steps to staying positive in a negative world:

1. Resist the urge to argue with negative people. The worst thing you can do when dealing with a negative person is try to argue them out of their position. Facts will not sway them. Their viewpoint is emotional, and emotions do not respond to facts. And because negative people like negative energy, getting into an argument with them is like pouring oil on a fire-it only serves to build up their head of steam. When you're in conversation with a negative person, don't argue with them and don't agree with them. Respond with words like "Oh." "Umm." When they don't get feedback from you, their conversation will peter out. That's you chance to jump in and change the subject to something less toxic to you.


2. Force the negative person to be specific. If you listen closely, you'll find that negative people often speak in generalities. They may say things like 'People are jerks," or "You can't trust anyone." Asking this person to specific, perhaps by saying "You can't trust anyone? Really? Do you trust me? And if you don't what are we doing together?" forces the negative person to evaluate what they're really thinking and saying. Asking a negative person to state specifics, rather than generalities, can help get to the real issue-but more often, they'll simply give up and change the conversation because it takes too much effort to explain their opinion

3. Put some distance between yourself and the negative person. If the negative person that's bringing you down is someone you have to work with, communicate with him or her by email when possible. If it's a relative that lives away from you, communicate through letters. Avoiding personal conversation will greatly reduce their chances. If the negative person is someone you live with, you'll need to be more creative-and also more aggressive-in finding a loving way to distance yourself. Scheduling diner with neighbors, friends and other family, or out at a restaurant, can keep a really negative person on their best behavior. Or announce that you need an hour alone after dinner each night to study, because you're working to improve the many defects that have been pointed out to you. Let them argue with that!

4. Keep positive thoughts always at hand in the form of note cards, jewelry, even tattoos! When you must always be in contact with a negative person, the challenge is to keep yourself from succumbing to their thoughts. A powerful way to overcome this to surround yourself with positive reminders of higher thought. Keep note cards in your pocket or purse, filled with positive, uplifting quotes. You can always sneak away to the bathroom to "freshen up" both your body and mind. I frequently see jewelry, ranging from bracelets to charms to pins, with positive thoughts engraved on it. As the negative person speaks, looking at or touching such a bracelet is a good way to remind you that there are other ways to think. And as tattoos are now widely accepted in all ages and classes of people, a tattoo can be a powerful way of declaring yourself to be, in mind and body, a positive person.

5. Silently broadcast love to the negative person. Negative people are often that way because they feel unloved and unappreciated. The irony of the situation is that by adopting a negative outlook, they become hard to love and appreciate! It's a real challenge to rise above their negative behavior-especially when it's directed at you-and see the hurt and frightened person behind the remarks. You can do it by removing all judgment from the situation. Put your own ego behind you for a moment and focus on the person in front of you, who is in pain. When you can feel compassion for their pain and send them loving thoughts, you will cease to absorb any of their negative thinking.

6. Put your sense of humor to work. Using your own sense of humor-not in a sarcastic way, but purely in the sense of fun-is a great way to defuse even the most negative and critical person. You may not change their way of thinking, but you will change the impact it has on you and others. Begin by refusing to take what they say so seriously. A great technique I learned years ago is to listen to what the negative person has to say and then say, not out loud but to yourself, "Oh, that's so funny! She actually thinks I'm stupid!" or "She actually thinks I don't know what I'm doing!" Having a good-hearted laugh, inside, at the negative person's misconceptions can keep you strong by reminding you that their negativity is just their opinion, not your reality.

7. Speak to a positive person as soon as you can after contact with a negative person. Moods have a way of transmitting themselves. Just as you are able to "catch" a depressed mood from a negative person, you can catch an upbeat mood from a positive person. If you know you will be spending Sunday entertaining negative family members, let a positive friend know you're going to call as soon as you usher the visiting family out the door. When you make that call, the two of you can have a good-hearted laugh about your family's foibles. It's a great way to let go of tension and get back into a positive frame of mind.

Working to manage your own thoughts and behaviors is just like working the body. The more you use your "positive" muscle, the stronger it will be and the better you will be able to handle the impact of being in the company of negative people.
 

 
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