BOOK REVIEW:

The Flip Side: Break Free of The Behaviors That Hold You Back

by Bonnie Boots

When Robbie Burns wrote "O would some Power, the gift to give us, to see ourselves as others see us!" he was expressing something most of us know intuitively: we're blind to our own traits. And that blindness holds us back.

Flip Flippen, founder of The Flip Flippen Group, the fastest-growing corporate and personal training program in North America, says he was blind to one of his biggest weaknesses until his wife and members of his executive team pointed it out:

His weakness: he believed he was always right.

"I couldn't have seen it without their feedback," Flippen says.

Once aware that his attitude was damaging his relationships with people, Flippen developed a system to change his behavior and overcome it.

From that experience came Flippen's theory of personal constraints. "It is not just our talents, personalities or academic abilities that define how much we can achieve, he says. It's also our constraints. Constraints" are what Flippen calls the limiting behaviors and attitudes that hold us back, or constrain us from excellence.

"I agree we should play to our strengths," he says, " but we all have critical constraints that hold back our performance. If you identify the constraints that limit your personal and professional growth and develop a strategy to break them, you can move forward."

That, simply enough, is the focus of The Flip Side: Break Free of the Behaviors That Hold You Back, which guides readers through Flippen's simple process of identifying self-limiting behaviors and transforming them into strengths.

Flippen identifies the traits and behaviors he thinks are most debilitating, then personifies them to create his list of The Top 10 Killer Personal Constraints.

· Bulletproof (Overconfident)
· Ostriches (Low Self-Confidence)
· Marshmallows (Overly Nurturing)
· Critics (Too Demanding, Nitpicky, or Harsh)
· Icebergs (Low Nurturing)
· Flatliners (Low Passion, Vision, or Drive)
· Bulldozers (Overly Dominant)
· Turtles (Resistant to Change)
· Volcanoes (Aggressive, Angry)
· Quick Draw (Low Self-Control, Impulsive)

Flippen's system, which he calls OPC for Overcoming Personal Constraints, begins with a checklist that helps the reader identify constraints that are affecting them.

It then guides you through the creation of an action plan to overcome them. This involves writing down intended behavior changes and finding trusted "accountability partners" to give you feedback so you can check your own progress and support so you will stay the course.

Flippen's program puts a lot of emphasis on the role other people play in our transformation. In a chapter titles "Feedback Is Critical," he writes:

"Unfortunately we are often the worst judges of our own situations. Our constraints may have developed because we just don't see them, or they may directly impede our ability to recognize them."

"Either way my years as a psychotherapist have convinced me that self-assessment is not something that can be done effectively in isolation. I've asked lots of people over the years to name their top areas needing improvements, and very few have any sort of accurate response."

"The fact of the matter is that self-assessment is an oxymoron. You can't get a self-help book and sit alone and read it and think you have accurately assessed yourself by yourself. Although it is a good start, your own assessment is only part of the equation. If I went through life without feedback, I might think that I have great hair (even as it gets thinner every year) and have what it takes to be a world-class jockey (not likely at six feet three inches)."

"The problem is that reality does not always bear out our favorite illusions about ourselves, and I want to live in reality (at least for the most part, I do). I can't fully self-assess by myself, so I must get others' input to have a more complete picture."

I like Flippen's emphasis on involving other people. He readily asserts that even though his book offers the tools you'll need to put together a plan for success in overcoming your personal constraints, it's the people around you who hold many of the keys to recognizing exactly what your constraints are.

Flippen says it's important to recognize that our constraints impact the people around us, because this recognition is a powerful motivator for change.

"Personal growth is not personal," he says. "I grow, because if I don't it impacts everyone around me. I like to look at personal growth in that it serves those I love and am committed to."

Although Flippen is a psychotherapist and educator, this isn't heavy reading. The Flip Side offers abbreviated explanations of very complex psychological processes and suggests a simple system for change.

For those that are open-minded about their own shortcomings and already motivated to change, this book may be all that's needed to identify self-limiting patterns and take steps to turn their flaws into features.



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